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Posts Tagged ‘writing life’

dinnerA week or so ago I attended a student production of The Man Who Came To Dinner. It was wonderful in the way that high-school plays almost always are. There’s a lot of talent at this particular school, but give a kid the chance to step outside of the role he or she has been assigned by family, teachers, and peers, and I guarantee there will be magic.

Hasn’t that happened to all of us? New school, summer camp, job, lover, and voila! New aspects of ourselves. There’s a joke: wherever you go, there you are. But that’s only true in certain ways.

I left the play thinking about characters in fiction versus drama. How little slack we fiction writers have, really, in our workshops. We’d never get away with some of the stuff playwrights Kauffman and Hart pull off, particularly regarding the secondary characters. The play’s plot delights in the narcissistic Sheridan Whiteside’s shenanigans as he tries to keep from losing his secretary, Maggie Cutler. Maggie is the only person who can really put up with him, and she has gone and fallen in love. Whiteside would rather break her heart than lose her loyalty and service.

The trouble is, from the point of view of a fiction writer, the secondary characters have no real weight. We have no idea why Maggie loves her beau. We can only assume that because she is clearly not given to trifles, he must be worthy of her.

A fiction workshop would send this draft right back to us. Why, why, why? they would demand. What’s so great about him, anyway? Sure, he wrote a good play, but she must already have met dozens of talented playwrights in her life with Whiteside.

In a play you can rely on the actors to inhabit the characters. The players get on stage and look into one another’s eyes. They literally sweep each other off their feet. We get it. On the page, you have to go deeper. With less.

But I started thinking about why we are so insistent on WHY. Should we be? Is motivation something we can get to the bottom of? In a short story? I recently read this year’s PEN/O. Henry anthology. My favorite story in the collectPENion is “Leak,” by Sam Ruddick. This piece is joyous. It has humor, sure, but there’s also this feeling of celebration and animation that’s so often lacking in contemporary fiction. The characters are surprising, but with their own internal logic. So this story is mysterious but recognizable. It fees like dream, without being all confusing and dream-like.

Even though “Leak” really wasn’t anything, in tone, like most Russian fiction, it made me think of work like Vasily Grossman’s Life and Fate, or a Dostoyevsky novel. Dostoyevsky frequently will say something like, He sat in a corner, muttering. Abruptly, he stood up and came over, smiling broadly. He really was a friendly guy. After about an hour he left without speaking to anyone.

We, the readers, are expected to just accept all this about the character and that’s that. We don’t get any pictures of the guy’s rotten childhood, necessarily. Nor, in The Man Who Came to Dinner, do we know what caused Whiteside to become such an insufferable, but somehow globally beloved, prick.

In her essay about secondary characters in Jane Smiley’s “The Age Grief,” a age of griefnovella about a rite of passage for many middle-class Americans, and which is also a seminal work for a lot of contemporary writers, Robin Black reminds us how deftly Smiley draws the crowded cast of peripheral people in the story. A character may only have a line or two, but still we see him or her memorably. When secondary or tertiary characters start to stand up, speak up, move around on their own, the tale becomes less about motivation, and more about animation. We are not presented with a text to analyze but are immersed in a world that amazes.

Black points out that the periphery can act as a centrifuge, squeezing down on the story’s stakes. It doesn’t matter, really, WHY people are doing what they do, though we may and probably will speculate. We want to find out how they will get through it. In The Man Who Came to Dinner, WHY Maggie loves her boyfriend matters less than how she will keep the glamorous actress from stealing him, and why Whiteside is such a jerk is less interesting than whether he will be successful at getting his way.

Yet, there’s that pesky workshop. I increasingly find that workshops/critique groups want every little thing absolutely resolved. Why, one person wrote in one of my margins, did a character from the 1800s want to be a rancher like her parents? What would motivate her to carry on their dream? Really?

This year I had a fellowship with very few obligations and a lot of privileges. One of the benefits was visiting classes where students were discussing my work. The best discussions took place in the younger classrooms, because it’s truly a rare experience these days for a writer to be exposed to pure readers. And readers like these—kids who are being trained to read extremely closely, with real reverence, and to discuss what they read around a table, with a lot of give and take. They were capable of deep insight, and I learned a ton about my writing from them.

The older kids were, as I had been warned, a bit more jaded. The conversation was perhaps more sophisticated but also less thoughtful. Or at least, less useful to me in that it was more likely to be closer to what I might already have heard before, from writers. After reading a more difficult story, one eighteen-year-old male commented, I don’t think a mother would think this way.

I had to laugh. As if he would know. As if any of us, even those of us who are mothers, would know.

Please understand. I don’t mind if someone disagrees about my characters’ motivations or feels I need to work harder to make them more convincing. I am always working harder. But I am also questioning my own tendency to demand too much—not too much overtness, because I think I am decent at subtlety, but too much rationality from my characters and situations. Rationality is what these students were asking for, and what workshop readers seem to desire as well. But perhaps what we really should strive for is a certain integrity of story while recognizing that humans and life don’t hang together sensibly.

Here’s to leaving some room for readers to read into a work, just as playwrights leave space for actors to act.

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Today I’ll just link to Andi O’Conor’s New York Times interview about the Four Mile Canyon Fire. Apparently she talks to people as beautifully as she writes. I wish she were building her new home right next door to mine.

A Colorado Blogger on Losing Her Home to a Fire

In the article and in the blog, a poem of Tony Hoagland’s is referenced. It’s called “Voyage.” The poet says:

We had to go on finding out the story
by pushing into it—

Well, I’ll let you read the interview, and more of Andi’s posts if you’d like, to discover the context. It’s worth thinking about.

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Underground

All I’m doing for my blog post this week is linking to this illustration, by Alex Andreev, on Condalmo’s blog. I’d copy it here, but I’m not sure about permissions. One click on the first link will take you there, and if you’re a writer or any other kind of person who needs a little space to think—who doesn’t, in today’s world?—you’ll get it right away. Then maybe you’ll look at some of the the rest of Andreev’s work.

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It was an ordinary-enough grief. My son packed up his van, got in, and drove off to college.

I cried. I threw myself into my partner’s arms.

He just drove off, I said.

Yes, he said. That’s what they do.

JulianCarPacked (2)  JulianSeatBelt JulianDrivingOff

Every mother comes to this. Whatever it was you went through to bring them to this moment. Blood shit sleepless nights… Ha! Did you say sleepless nights? Infancy is nothing compared to waiting up for them when they’re teens… A Cricket of Times Square Pinocchio skiing skiing skiing hours spent by the river then beer bottles potsmoke condoms crappy grades… and then the sudden turnaround, and oh, you’re going to college after all! Whew.

Yeah, I’m proud as hell. And hell, yeah, did he turn out to be an interesting kid.

Long story short (I’m not telling the half of it; you can read the novel later), it’s complicated. I wasn’t totally sorry to be getting my life back. But one thing at a time. Just a moment, perhaps, to reflect, after that harrowing journey?

I’d run into a former neighbor not long ago, right after her complete angel of a son had been one of only a few kids selected annually into NYU’s drama program. Oh, she said. I went out and bought a ton of organic bedding and slept for six months, I was so exhausted.

You get the picture. It’s a big life transition. You may be ready to move on, but you want to be gentle with yourself about it.

He left on his grand adventure Saturday, September 4.

Two days later:

Fire2010 fireCr83(6) firecr83(5)

We were lucky. Our home didn’t burn, while 169 did. We weren’t even evacuated for as long as some were. The pictures on the right (taken by 10-year-old Russell Greene) are of the area that’s burning in the first shot, which is taken from my yard. This is the northeastern boundary of the Fourmile Canyon fire (aka #boulderfire on Twitter), along a trail where I’ve hiked and jogged several times per week since I moved to this canyon in 1999. The firefighters were able to get ahead of it here and hold it against the prevailing winds for five days. We found out later that they lost control of the blaze for a while on the final night and it was only because the winds died suddenly that it did not advance into our canyon or closer to Boulder.

Then, just one day after we returned from our five-day evac, my partner also drove off. After a long period of unemployment and soul-searching, he’d accepted a job on the other side of the state. The chaos of the fire had sure made his move come up hard and fast.

Fire is a metaphor for so many things.

In my last post, I was asking for more silence and emptiness in my life. Okay, already.

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In my day job we talk a lot about metrics and return on investment. I try not to think about things like that in the rest of my life. What does progress mean to a mother or a poet? We’d better find more poetic ways to frame it. You’re a goddess in your kid’s eyes one day, and a Nazi a few years later. Then maybe later you might turn out to know a few things after all, but it’s not like he’s ever going to snuggle up again in a thunderstorm. And this IS progress, and it’s even satisfying, but it’s not warm and fuzzy like a profit chart. Or as cool as a big-brown-eyed three-year-old with long, blond curls telling you as he writes in his journal (a small model of the same kind of sketchbook you use), “I’m writing how much I love you!”

Sometimes in marketing people discuss something called return on objective, and as a mom and a creative writer I can relate to that a little better. Or return on engagement.

Pretty much we moms and writers settle for just “return.” When I was was in Mexico visiting my son last week he fell asleep on the bus and his head wound up resting against my shoulder. SCORE! He took the time to plan our time together carefully based on the sights he guessed (accurately) I would most like to see, and these outings led to thoughtful conversations about life, history, his future, and our shared past. YES!

path skiing PatzcuaroEstribaJulian  PatzcuaroEstriba6

 

I came home to the mail, with the most recent edition of South Dakota Review, which contains a short story of mine, along with a lot of other very fine work. SDR might not have the slickest website in the world, but it’s been in print since 1963, the year I was born, and it’s one of the few print journals out there still maintaining a quarterly schedule, even if it’s a little behind this year.

When I added the journal to the little section on my shelf where I place all my published work, I could see that it’s possible I’m getting somewhere. PublishedAll the disciplined marketing people I hang out with on Twitter would want to know how many people were reading each story vs. how much time I’d spent on each piece, and even more important, how much I got paid (a total of maybe $500 so far). If I did it their way I would have to quit. A “disciplined” person would find something else to do. Which is why women bagged being housewives.

For some things, it makes no sense to measure outcome against effort.

Nevertheless, there’s a clear hockeystick graph, which I am too lazy to create right now in Excel, showing my progress since my first poem was accepted in 2001. Oh, all right, maybe it’s more like a mowed blade of grass with a slight curve to it, but it goes UP. It’s not money (yet) and it’s not fame (yet), but it’s real. This section on my shelf is populated, people.

That’s not counting the work published in online journals.

Little by little, even during all those horrible, dark years when I thought I had no time at all to write and I had possibly even murdered my soul, I’ve been getting somewhere. I’ve been saying a thing or two, and what I’ve been saying has been going out into the world, and possibly a few people have even been finding it and responding to it.

Return on investment? Objective? Engagement? I have a 19-year-old who stands up in the world and is interesting to talk to. I have a shelf of published stories and poems. There’s more in the pipeline.

I’d say that’s return. I’d say it’s progress.

I’m declaring it a metric upon which to base further investment.

 

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CWAgave1An agave getting ready to flower after 15 years. Then it will, um, die. But not after seeding the universe! Or at least the grounds of this B&B. In a small town in Mexico. Where hardly anyone goes…

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